Why Self-Awareness Transforms Relationships

Why Self-Awareness Transforms Relationships
Eytan Woolfson, Clinical Psychologist Registrar

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." – Carl Jung

Many people come to therapy wondering why their relationships keep repeating painful patterns. They may fall for the emotionally unavailable partner, feel smothered by closeness, or keep walking on eggshells — again and again. These patterns often aren’t random. They’re rooted in early attachment styles that quietly shape how we connect, protect, and respond to intimacy.

I often describe attachment like a dance we learned in childhood. If we grew up with love that felt conditional, chaotic, or unsafe, we may have learned to over-function, withdraw, or cling — all in the name of survival. But in adulthood, those same moves can lead to toxic dynamics.

Self-awareness is the first step to changing the choreography.

When we begin to notice our triggers — the push-pull, the fear of abandonment, the need to control or avoid — we can start choosing different responses. We move from reacting to relating. We begin to cultivate secure attachment: where boundaries, vulnerability, and respect coexist. Where love is neither a performance nor a power play.

In therapy, I’ve seen people shift from repeating unconscious roles to creating conscious, caring connections. It’s not instant. But awareness brings choice, and choice brings change.

If you notice the same story playing out in your relationships, it’s not a flaw — it’s a clue. And you don’t have to untangle it alone.

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