Breaking The Silence: Why Men need to reach out !

Breaking the Silence: Why Men Need to Reach Out
By Eytan Woolfson: Clinical Psychologist Registrar

"What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal." – Viktor E. Frankl

For years, I’ve sat across from men who are hurting. Not just from trauma or stress, but from the silent weight of stigma — the belief that asking for help is weakness, that emotions are something to "man up" from. It’s a message many of us absorbed young: don’t cry, don’t talk, don’t need.

But silence is not strength. It's a slow erosion.

I often use the metaphor of a pressure valve. Imagine a boiler with no release — it keeps working, silently containing more and more pressure, until eventually it bursts. That’s what happens when men suppress anger, sadness, fear. The system breaks. Sometimes through burnout. Sometimes through addiction. Sometimes through rage or withdrawal. The damage doesn’t just affect the man — it ripples outward into relationships, families, and futures.

Reaching out — whether to a friend, a therapist, or simply admitting you're struggling — is not failure. It's maintenance. It’s stepping into strength that is honest, not hollow. It’s how we model emotional courage for our sons, our brothers, our mates.

In therapy, I’ve seen men discover that the very things they feared — vulnerability, shame, grief — were actually keys to deeper connection, resilience, and freedom.

Being a man doesn’t mean going it alone. It means knowing when to speak, when to listen, and when to let someone walk beside you.

You don’t have to carry it all. You were never meant to.

Understanding ADHD: Assessment, Clarity & Support

Understanding ADHD: Assessment, Clarity & Support
By Eytan Woolfson :Clinical Psychologist Registrar

"ADHD isn’t a lack of attention. It’s a lack of regulation of attention." – Dr. Edward Hallowell

ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) is often misunderstood. It's not just about being “hyper” or “distracted.” For many children and adults, it’s a daily struggle with focus, restlessness, impulsivity, and organisation — often in spite of intelligence, motivation, or effort.

The assessment process begins with a thorough clinical interview, covering developmental history, current challenges, and impact across settings (home, school, work). For children, we often include parent and teacher questionnaires, and sometimes cognitive testing. For adults, we explore lifelong patterns and may use rating scales and collateral reports from partners or family.

Accurate diagnosis matters. ADHD can mimic — or mask — anxiety, mood disorders, and learning difficulties. It’s important to rule these in or out to provide the most helpful support.

Treatment is multi-layered. It might include education (understanding your brain), behavioural strategies, coaching or therapy, and in many cases, medication. The goal is not to “fix” a person, but to reduce the friction between how their brain works and the demands of everyday life.

When someone receives a clear diagnosis — whether child, teen, or adult — it can feel like turning on the lights in a room they’ve been stumbling through for years. It brings understanding, not just for the individual, but often for the whole family.

If you or your child are struggling with focus, organisation, or emotional regulation, it’s worth exploring. Clarity can be life-changing.

Why Self-Awareness Transforms Relationships

Why Self-Awareness Transforms Relationships
Eytan Woolfson, Clinical Psychologist Registrar

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." – Carl Jung

Many people come to therapy wondering why their relationships keep repeating painful patterns. They may fall for the emotionally unavailable partner, feel smothered by closeness, or keep walking on eggshells — again and again. These patterns often aren’t random. They’re rooted in early attachment styles that quietly shape how we connect, protect, and respond to intimacy.

I often describe attachment like a dance we learned in childhood. If we grew up with love that felt conditional, chaotic, or unsafe, we may have learned to over-function, withdraw, or cling — all in the name of survival. But in adulthood, those same moves can lead to toxic dynamics.

Self-awareness is the first step to changing the choreography.

When we begin to notice our triggers — the push-pull, the fear of abandonment, the need to control or avoid — we can start choosing different responses. We move from reacting to relating. We begin to cultivate secure attachment: where boundaries, vulnerability, and respect coexist. Where love is neither a performance nor a power play.

In therapy, I’ve seen people shift from repeating unconscious roles to creating conscious, caring connections. It’s not instant. But awareness brings choice, and choice brings change.

If you notice the same story playing out in your relationships, it’s not a flaw — it’s a clue. And you don’t have to untangle it alone.

When School Feels Too Hard: Understanding School Refusal

When School Feels Too Hard: Understanding School Refusal
By Eytan Woolfson: Clinical Psychologist Registrar

"Children aren’t giving us a hard time. They’re having a hard time." – Dr. Ross Greene

When a child begins to refuse school — with tears, tummy aches, panic, or shutdowns — it’s easy to assume defiance. But more often, school refusal is a signal, not a rebellion. It tells us something inside feels too overwhelming to face.

Sometimes the cause is clear: bullying, learning difficulties, or separation anxiety. Other times it’s more complex — perfectionism, sensory overload, fear of failure, or something shifting at home. Whatever the reason, the child’s nervous system is saying, “I don’t feel safe.”

I often use the metaphor of a smoke alarm. A child refusing school isn’t the fire — they’re the alarm. We need to investigate what’s setting it off rather than just trying to silence the sound.

Supporting school refusal isn’t about forcing attendance at all costs. It’s about gently rebuilding trust — with the school, with adults, and most importantly, within the child. Treatment may involve anxiety management, parent coaching, school collaboration, or trauma-informed therapy. The goal is to reduce fear, not to increase pressure.

When we treat the behaviour as communication — not defiance — we can offer compassion instead of consequence. That shift changes everything.

If your child is struggling to attend school, it doesn’t mean they’re broken. It means they’re asking for help in the only way they know how.